


Uncertain Future

by pupeez4eva



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mother-Son Relationship, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 14:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14833833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pupeez4eva/pseuds/pupeez4eva
Summary: She looked at his concerned face, and what came out was, “I’m going to lose her, Aaron.”Chas tells Aaron that she might lose the baby.





	Uncertain Future

Chas had been controlling herself fairly well. It was hard — torturous really — but the thought of telling Paddy the truth, of making him feel as destroyed as she did, was even worse. So she’d cope with it the best she could around him and around everyone else, and she’d leave the crying, and screaming, and quiet pleas to her daughter to when she was alone.

 

She’d deal with this. She had to. And then she’d go back for another scan, and maybe — god,  _please_ let it happen — they'd tell her it was all a mistake, and her baby, her little girl, was going to be just fine.

 

If that didn’t happen…well, she didn’t want to think about it. She’d deal with that when the time came, but until then, she was fairly certain that entertaining those thoughts would drive her over the edge.

 

She hadn’t seen Aaron since the scan, something she was immensely grateful for. Lying to Paddy had been hard enough — she wasn’t sure if she could keep up the lie when faced with her boy, another child that she’d failed all to often.

 

As if turned out, that prediction was fairly accurate — Aaron had shown up at the house, grinning from ear to ear, ready to congratulate her. Paddy had obviously told him the good news. They were going to be have a daughter. He was going to have a chance to be an amazing big brother to yet another lucky little girl.

 

Chas’s face crumpled, and she was unable to hold back the pained sobs any longer.

 

She wasn’t sure how long she stood there, her shoulders heaving, trying and failing to stop her choked sobs from escaping. 

 

“Mum!” She glanced up, wondering how long Aaron had been calling her. He was still standing where he had been, his eyes wide and his face pale. “Mum, what’s wrong?” 

 

She couldn’t tell him. How could she tell him? 

 

“Nothing,” she said, forcing a smile. “I’m fine. Really. Just…emotional. You know how pregnancy is.”

 

“I’m not an idiot,” he said, frowning. “I know something’s wrong. What is it? Is it the baby?”

 

God, why did he have to go and say  _that?_ Her mouth had been open, ready to sprout whatever excuses she could think of, but his question stopped her in her tracks.

 

 _‘The baby’s fine,’_ she wanted to say.  _‘Everything’s fine.’_

 

She looked at his concerned face, and what came out was, “I’m going to lose her, Aaron.” 

 

It took a moment for him to understand what she was telling him, and then his eyes widened in shock, and then denial. “But — I thought everything was okay, Paddy said — ?”

 

“I didn’t tell Paddy. I couldn’t…I couldn’t tell him.” After a moment she said, “Please don’t tell him.” She wasn’t ready for him to know. Maybe it was unfair, maybe it was cruel, but she couldn’t deal with him knowing. 

 

“She…she has a condition.” The doctor’s word’s filled her head, something complex and medical that she couldn’t wrap her head around right now. “Her kidneys and bladder haven’t developed and — and there’s nothing they can do. They can’t cure it.”

 

“God Mum,” Aaron said, his eyes wide. “I’m so sorry.” His voice shook and Chas was reminded that this baby would’ve been his little sister. She walked towards him, picking up the pace as she drew nearer, and pulled him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around her, and she buried her head in his shoulder.

 

She was crying. Her shoulders shook, and and the sobs started, first slow and choked, then loud and desperate when Aaron didn’t let go. She clung to him, letting out all the grief and misery she’d been feeling since the doctor had told her those horrible words.

 

At last she pulled away, rubbing at her eyes, and feeling exhausted.

 

“You’ve got to tell Paddy,” Aaron said, sounding apologetic. He was still watching her worriedly.

 

Chas nodded. “I know. I…I will. I just…they said they wanted to…do another scan. To confirm it I guess. I just…I was hoping…I  _am_ hoping that maybe they were wrong.”

 

“Maybe,” Aaron said, and it seemed like he was latching onto the idea as desperately as she was. After all, it was better than dealing with the awful alternative, no matter how unlikely it may be.

 

“Maybe,” she said, nodding. She gave him a shaky smile that she could only hold for a few seconds.

 

“Sit down,” Aaron said at last, when the silence seemed to drag on. “I’ll make you a cup of tea.” 

 

“No, no,” Chas said quickly, shaking her head. “You don’t need to do that, sweetheart.”

 

“I want to,” he said firmly. She didn’t have it in her to argue too much — she still felt tired, and it felt like her thoughts were coming from a million miles away. She sat down, silently watched the table until he set a cup of tea down in front of her, and sat on the chair across from her’s.

 

“I’m so scared,” she said. “I — I want her so badly, and I’m scared that I’ll lose her. And — and maybe this is my fault. Because I didn’t want her in the beginning. Because I was going to get rid of her. Maybe this is some sort of punishment, or — or — ”

 

“Mum, no,” Aaron said, his eyes widening. “God no. This isn’t your fault. Everyone could see how excited you and Paddy were for this baby.  _None_ of this is your fault.”

 

“But I’m an awful mum,” she said, and felt something wet on her cheeks. Great, she was crying again. “I was an awful mum to you, and now I’m being an awful mum to her.”

 

“You’re an amazing mum,” Aaron countered.

 

Chas shook her head. “No. I left you alone. I let you get hurt, over and over again. I’ve never been a proper mum to you — I left you with that — with that  _monster,_ and then when you came back, and I should have taken that as a second chance, and  _been_ there for you, I just — I just let  _Paddy_ take over, be a parent to my kid, while I went off and lived my life.” The words were coming out loud and rushed, and Chas wondered if he could even understand her by this point. “Maybe this is for the best. Maybe this little girl is better off without a mother like me.”

 

“No,” Aaron said firmly. “You can’t say that. That girl would’ve been  _so_ lucky to have parents like you and Paddy. Fine — you weren’t always the best mum. Things haven’t always been smooth between us. But have you seen the way you are now? The things you’ve done for me? You were there for me, Mum — after Jackson. After Robert.” He swallowed. “After — after Gordon. I don’t think I could’ve made it out of that without you. You’ve made mistakes, but who hasn’t? God knows I’ve messed up enough times that I’m surprised you still put up with me.”

 

She sniffed and gave him a weak smile. “Nothing you could ever do could make me stop.”

 

Aaron shook his head and smiled at her. “What, and you don’t think I feel the same way? And that little girl — she'd love you, you know? No matter what. Just like I do. No matter what happens, you have so many people here for you. Me, Paddy, Cain, Gran — and we’ll support you no matter what, yeah?” 

 

She broke down again then, her shoulders heaving. Everything seemed to uncertain. She’d wanted this baby so badly, had come to imagine how her future would be after it was born — and in those few moments after she’d been told that she was having a daughter, before that awful news had been delivered, she’d imagined the next few years: her and Paddy, raising their little girl together. Taking her to school on her first day, birthday parties, , Christmases, play-dates with Issac and Seb.

 

And now, just like that, all of it could be gone. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I REALLY don't want Chas to lose the baby...maybe there's a chance things might be okay? They did say they had to do another scan to confirm it...
> 
> ...I doubt it but I'm going to keep hoping...dammit, why can't the writers let these characters be happy? There's so much grief and sadness on the show at the moment :(


End file.
